Slow Poisoning

I thought everything would be alright one day. It didn’t. I thought ‘out of sight, out of mind’ would actually work. It failed. I thought moving on will be much easier if we just cut out all strings between us.

Yet, I am thinking about someone I shouldn’t think about. I’m talking about someone I want to forget. I’m getting involved with a ‘stranger’.

Homecoming

I thought it was all over. I'm out of it. and now we are just friends. yes, i accept that whenever I go through our chats at that time, I felt something in my throat and somethingh just goes into my eye. so i have to rub my eyes off and ...

I thought that's it. Nothing more.
But, I was wrong. One evening while talking to a common friend, I realized that I won't get out of it so easily. I admit that now there are only remnants of that love which once overflowed my heart. But even that is so strong that i couldn't help it.

and I told her again. it was different this time. no greetings card, no heart shaped chocolate. I just told her what i feel for her.what i still feel for her.
"I know that u feel nothing for me. and i know u are just out from a serious relation. I know it's very mean to say this at this moment. but U know i'm not a hypocrite. and I can't help it or lie about it.
yes, i don't know what will happen in future. but right now I do feel strongly about u. it's ok. u needn't decide anything right now. let's build our careers. and see what happens after 3 or 4 years. and u know what's most interesting??
I know 99% chanc eis that nothing will happen. we have tried it once. but yet I believe that i have 1% chance and this will become cent per cent one day"

and the next day i board a train for delhi. after delhi, now i'm in hyderabad. will be back in kolkata on 11th feb.

nothing is going on between us. but whenever i'm listening to a song from "jab we met" I'm thinking of her.

let's see.

dreams may live or die. dreaming will continue.
but whatever happens, I welcome it. and thanks, for giving thsi blog a new life.

a wish

the MSc exam is after 22 days( shit!!! I need to study) and after ! more month , It'll be over. I don't know what I'll do then. I have many plans. I may start doing a job, i may do MBA. or may sit for IFS.
but apart from all these, there's a wish deep in my heart. I want to write. I want to write at least a book. a book about what I have seen in my college life. sometimes I feel the writing bug is just biting me, but yet, I couldn't write it now. because right now I don't know the end. I don't know what will happen to me and my friends. once I know that. I'll start writing it. May be for myself only.

I think it was the reason I kept writing about my feelings even when it used to bleed doing that. now, as I have started assembling my notes, i find a piece of my writing now and then. and there are many pieces which I wrote in the brief period of my latest affair. whenever I find one of these, the urge to write increases.

Hope one day I'll be able to do this. It'll be about the college life. but of course, SHE'll be in it.

and I'm having a feeling that this post is worthless. what do you say???

Pause or The End?

for a long time I haven't published anything. moreover, I don't even feel like blog hopping these days. there are other reasons also. so thought about telling this to my friends who encouraged me to scribble my thoughts.

I don't know whether this is a pause or the end of blogging for me. only time will say.

thank you all for being with me in this beautiful journey.

thank you. I'll miss you... I think so.

paradox!!!!

i was tired of seeing her everyday, talking to her everyday, going together to metro station everyday from college, behaving as a friends only!!i kept on telling myself that it'll just take some time and I'll be fit and strong to look for chicks again!!

I thought that if i take a break for some days, that'll help me. and that was one of the reason i wanted to come to delhi . yes I'm in delhi. i'm really having a gala time. i'm with people I like. but... why the hell i keep on thinking about her?? in fact , some times I miss her..


well!!human mind is a strange thing!!!who am I to discover it's mystery?

i jut hope that it'll just take some time and I'll be fit and strong to look for chicks again!!
yes!!! just a matter of time...
i'm fine and cool
in a great mood
in a place i wanted to be for so long
with people i care for
i've everything that makes me happy
in fact i'm happy, really happy
just with a teardrop in my eye!!

When There Was Me and You

( who could express human emotions better than Disney??
so here I'm expressing myself by copying and pasting the lyric of the song called "When There Was Me and You" from the Disney movie "High School Musical". Though not 100% but this song express my condition quite well...

thank You Disney, be there.)

It's funny when you find yourself
Looking from the outside
I'm standing here but all I want
Is to be over there
Why did I let myself believe
Miracles could happen
Cause now I have to pretend
That I don't really care

I thought you were my fairytale
A dream when I'm not sleeping
A wish upon a star
Thats coming true
But everybody else could tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
When there was me and you

I swore I knew the melody
That I heard you singing
And when you smiled
You made me feel
Like I could sing along
But then you went and changed the words
Now my heart is empty
I'm only left with used-to-be's
Once upon a song

Now I know your not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star
Just don't come true
Cause now even I tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
Cause I liked the view
When there was me and you

I can't believe that
I could be so blind
It's like you were floating
While I was falling
And I didn't mind

Cause I liked the view
Thought you felt it too
When there was me and you

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Back to the Flow

the remnants are still there.but I've changed. earlier I used to feel something is missing if I do not talk to her for one day. But, now I don't call her..neither do I expect her to call me up. we are back to the relation called friendship.

but love never ceases...it always comes back..even if the medium is different( thanks deepti, for telling me this:P)

I'm in love..with life.
I enjoy watching Disney channel. I enjoy listening to music. I enjoy small things of life. I enjoy the glow of the moon.
and once again I enjoy spending time with my 1st love:books.
I love to read again( though not the books of my curriculum)

thanks...I'm back again..with a new love called life. and the journey will continue.

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